Unrealistic expectations are another huge block to a fulfilling and enjoyable sexual relationship. Let’s return to our friend William. He expects himself to respond on demand despite what is going on in other areas of his life. (This reminds us of the movie hero who is able to sneak in some lovemaking in the midst of truly life-threatening activities.) William doesn’t realize that exhaustion, job stress, long hours and medication affect his potency. This middle-aged man thinks his mind and body should be able to ignore these very real pressures and stresses, and function like he was a well-rested 18- or 19-year-old.

Unrealistic expectations may result from lack of knowledge about what is normal. William probably wouldn’t expect himself to have the same quick reaction time in his tennis game he had when he was in his teens, but he can make up in skill, perhaps, for this change. If William knew that getting an erection at age 43 normally requires more stimulation from his partner than at age 20, he might save himself needless anguish. He could relax, enjoy foreplay and “go with the flow” instead of panicking because his penis doesn’t become hard immediately.

Sharon’s knowledge and participation are also crucial. She can actively involve herself in lovemaking, instead of being a passive (and insecure) partner.

*41\184\8*

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